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Posts Tagged ‘Joke’

schwarzwaelder-bote.de  mom and pop

An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years, until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.

They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 francs.

In response, the lady added a sign to her own window: Butter – 9 francs.

The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign: Butter – 8 francs.

Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read: Butter – 7 francs.

This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said, “Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”

In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered, “Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”

“Aren’t you lying then, Madame, when your sign prices butter?”

“Mmmm…may be. But they thank me heartily when I direct them to cheaper prices across the street.”

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Source: Santabanta.com and image from schwarzwaelder-bote.de

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KpjYQke

 

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The Four Stages of a Lecture…

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Source: funnygifs123.wordpress.com

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New Hatton Garden heist image

During a bank heist the Chief told the Sergeant to cover all exits so the robbers could not get away.

Later the Sergeant reports to the chief.

“Sorry sir but they got away.”

The chief very disappointed says, “I told you to cover all exits!”

“I did” replied the Sergeant. “but they got away through the entrance.”

That was in jest.

But in real it is not very different IT/Services sectors.

How often we tell our customers: “Mr. Customer, you never brought this up all this time and now…”

I’m reminded of an incident where a CFO kept on asking for more reports. The PM (Project Manager) in sheer disgust got his manager to rein him in: After the polite handshakes, the manager brought up the issue. He assured the CFO they were not reluctant to give him what he wants. But these would be regarded as chargeable change requests.

The CFO in even tone drew the manager’s attention to a line in the Work-Order.

It said “Account-Receivables”.

“You had claimed you’ve rolled it out at a number of other sites. And dont you know AR implies all these reports?”

End of discussion on scope creep.

When we unleash an untrained/inexperienced business analyst on our customer – these days many a youngster aspires to become one (business analyst, I mean) – he fails to see beyond what the customer says literally. And the customer goes away with the comforting thought the analyst has understood him in whole. The analyst may be likened to the stenographers of yester years operating strictly in the what-you-said-is-what-you-get mode – a great disservice to our customer.

An interesting aside: The image appearing above is one officailly released of the laocker room in the New Hatton Garden heist.  The burglars, it is beileved, first entered at about 9.20pm on 2 April and stayed until 8.05am the next morning, Good Friday. An alarm went off at 12.21am on 3 April, about three hours after the gang entered the vault area, according to timings released by police. The gang returned to the vault on Saturday 4 April at about 10.17pm, staying until 6.30am the next morning. Key staff were off work because of the Easter holiday and police were alerted to the burglary just after 8am on Tuesday 7 April. The alarm was recorded and transferred to the police’s computer-aided dispatch system. “A grade was applied to the call that meant that no police response was deemed to be required,” the statement released by the police said. “An internal investigation is ongoing to identify why this grade was applied to the call in conjunction with the alarm company.”

The final disposition of the investigation is not known. Am sure an interesting story is waiting to be unravelled.

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Credits: ajokeaday.com and press for the info on the heist.

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Aliens

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Source: Internet

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I’ve heard rumors like this emnating from the corridors of government offices. This is a new one for me reported from an IT company – good for some chuckles:


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Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says:

“You’re all part of our team now.

You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees”.

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss says:

“You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. However one of our female developers has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?”

The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer.

After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others:

“Which of you idiots ate the developer?”

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: “You FOOL!

For four weeks we’ve been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed.

So from now on please keep away from any of those guys.”

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Source: EnjoyTheMasti and amazing-animations.com

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